Uh? Can I Have My Body Back Please?”
by Breniah
Summary: SG1 walk through a doorway on another planet that causes them all sorts of trouble


**"Uh? Can I Have My Body Back Please?"**

**Breniah**

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. 

Category: S/J friendship, humor hopefully

Rating: PG (some swearing)

Summary: SG1 walk through a door way on another planet that causes them all sorts of trouble

Spoilers: pretty much everything up the early episodes in season 4

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"Ya know, this never fails to suprise me," O'Neill said sarcastically as they surveyed their surroundings. 

"And what might that be Jack?" Daniel asked humouring him.

"Ya know, the trees, the open field that way, mountains in the distance, that sort of thing. Didn't any one tell whoever created all these planets that variety is the spice of life?"

Daniel glared at Jack and then sighed, the man was never going to change. 

Jack who was completely oblivious to Daniel's look began giving half hearted orders with a negligent wave of his hand. "Carter, the soil, Daniel, the rocks, Teal'C, guard. You know the usual," he said making himself comfortable against the trunk of a nearby tree.

"Uh sir? This isn't the best place for soil samples," Carter said.

"Yeh and Jack? There are no artifacts around here," Daniel added carefully.

Jack pulled his cap back up from where it was sheltering his eyes and looked at Teal'C. "I have nothing to add O'Neill," he said in his usual monotone.

Shrugging Jack stood up and chose a direction at random. Turning to see none of his team were following him he said, "What?"

"This way Colonel," Carter said delicately pointing to where the mountains were standing in the distance.

"Why that way?"

"There is a small trail in the distance, plus what looks to be a dried river bed."

"Fine, let's see if we can find Daniel some toys to play with."

After much walking and animated discussion between Daniel and Sam, the Colonel finally called a rest stop. While the team sat on the dried river bank drinking their water, Daniel began to explore the mountain side. "Look at this guys! The river must have been huge once, see the way it has flattened and shaped the side of this mountain. You couldn't climb this even with all the modern tools, its so smooth." Jack chuckled at his enthusiasm as Daniel scampered down the ancient river bed.

"Should I go after him sir?" Carter asked smiling slightly.

"Nah, he'll be a good little boy and come home when dinner is ready," Jack said.

"I heard that!" came the indignant cry of the wayward archaeologist.

Sam and Jack laughed simultaneously. They stood and began making their way in the direction Daniel went. They found him slightly further up staring at a doorway in the mountain side. It seemed to have been carved directly into the face of the mountain. It was elaborately done and the bottom of the door stood about a metre off the river bed.

"I think there is something written along the sides. Teal'C, can you give me a boost?" Daniel asked already caught up in the mystery. Sam was scraping at the mountain, taking samples of the rock.

"So Danny, what does it say?" Jack asked impatiently.

"Um I'm not sure exactly," Daniel said running a hand over the symbols. "I think this is a variation of Ancient Egyptian. I believe it says that it is the doorway to Sekhet-Hetepet, basically 'the fields of peace'."

"Sounds good to me."

"Wait there's more, 'to become a khu, drink, plow, reap, fight, make love, never be in a state of servitude and always be a position of authority therein'."

"Make love huh?" Jack repeated with a teasing grin towards Sam. "Well sounds pretty harmless, shall we go through?"

"This word khu bothers me. I can't remember where I have seen it before, and I can't remember its translation," Daniel said shaking his head slightly.

"How important can one little word be?" Jack asked, ushering them through the doorway. They felt a slight surge and instead of seeing a corridor into the mountain,  SG1 found themselves in an empty looking vortex. Jack shook his head experimentally, trying to make something out of the blank greyness. He looked around for the rest of his team and couldn't see them anywhere. "Daniel? Carter? Teal'C?"

"Here sir," came Sam's voice.

"Jack where are you?" Daniel's voice sounded slightly high pitched.

"I am present O'Neill," came Teal'C's stoic answer.

"I can't see you guys!"

"I can't see you either sir. If you look I doubt you can see your own body either."

Jack looked down at where his feet should've been and yelped. "Where the hell is my body?"

"I remember! I remember what 'khu' means. It's like a spirit being," Daniel called out excitedly.

"Spirit being?" Jack asked slowly.

"Uh, yes, like the soul."

"Oh shit," swore Carter.

"I concur with that assessment Major Carter," Teal'C said sounding perturbed. "I cannot feel my symbiote since we have entered this place."

"Oh shit," Jack swore more emphatically. "That means I don't have my..." his voice trailed off.

"SIR!" Carter sounded shocked.

"What? I didn't say it out loud," Jack said defensively.

"I heard you say very clearly 'that means I don't have my balls'," she retorted.

"Children!" bellowed Daniel. "I heard him too ok? Now can we figure out how we get our bodies back please?"

"I DID NOT SAY THAT OUT LOUD!"

"Telepathy?"

"Maybe."

"Sam think of something and don't say a thing."

"Hey why don't you two trust me?"

"Shut up sir, ok I'm thinking."

"You're thinking is this better be a dream cause you can't think of any conceivable way out and also that they greyness reminds you of the Care Bears cartoon where they sat on clouds," Daniel said.

"Ok telepathy is a go," Sam said her voice slightly strangled.

"See? Told you I didn't say it aloud."

"Sir, you might not be able to see me, but I am glaring hard at you right now."

"Actually so am I," Daniel chimed in. "How important can one little word be?" he mimicked Jack's earlier comment.

"And now I'm shrugging," Jack muttered. "Since when do you guys listen to me anyway?"

There was a moment of silence and then, "So how do we get out of here?" Carter asked almost anxiously.

"Yeh I am so over being a 'khu'," Jack said.

"I can't think of any foreseeable way out.  If this is Sekhet Hetepet or the gou'ald equivalent then its almost like the afterlife. The Summerlands of Egyptian mythology if you will."

"Summerlands?" Jack asked then continued hastily. "No don't tell me!"

"So we're dead?" Carter asked.

"We've come back from the dead before haven't we Major?" Jack said confidently.

"Uh Jack? Last time we died we had bodies," Daniel said.

"Slight problem I know."

"Slight?" Sam choked out.

"Yeh," Jack said.

"Sir I would hardly call the fact that we have no bodies a slight problem," Sam said with an edge in her voice.

Jack's tone hardened. "Major…" he began.

Their imminent argument was interrupted by the approach of a man who did in fact have a body.

"Time out you guys. Who is that?" Daniel asked.

"Hey! How come he has a body?" Jack asked petulantly. He paused for a moment and said, "I can feel that glare Sam."

The man that approached them was of slender build with greying hair and wore long brown robes. He was smiling slightly as he came to greet them. "Welcome to Sekhet Hetepet. I am Zare, keeper of this place."

"How come you have a body?" Jack asked tactlessly.

"Uh Jack, diplomacy might be more helpful here," Daniel thought to him.

Zare however did not seem offended. Oh the contrary he chuckled and said, "Do not worry Daniel Jackson, its one of the more common questions asked by the newly arrived 'ba'. Simply put, I have a body because I am not dead. I am the keeper of this place."

"Ba?"

"It means the soul," Daniel said.

"Ah ok, listen then Zare right? We need our bodies, I mean we aren't dead, at least we weren't till we stepped through your little doorway in the mountain. So if you just give us our bodies back, we can call it quits, no harm done," Jack declared.

"The door in the mountains," Zare repeated carefully. "Why I thought that had been blocked off, by a river."

"River's gone," Jack said.

At Zare's raised eyebrow Daniel elaborated, "The river has run its course. There's nothing but a dried river bed. That river hasn't covered the doorway for hundreds of years."

"So as you can see, its through your negligence that we came here and are 'ba's' so get us the hell outta here," Jack said impatiently.

"Colonel…" Carter started.

She was interrupted by Zare. "There is only one way out and you must discover that for yourselves," he said with an air of mystery.

"Are you related to Urgo by any chance?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"Look within yourselves," Zare said as he began to depart into the greyness.

"Fantastic. No really. This is great," Jack muttered.

"Look within yourselves he said. That must mean that we already know the answer," Sam said thoughtfully.

"I concur Major Carter," Teal'C said.

"Pretty sure I don't know the answer," Jack said.

"Uh Jack, the answer might not be the physical. In a lot of cultures it is said that the truth shall set you free."

"What truth?" Jack asked in his confused voice.

"I guess whatever is locked in your soul."

"So let me get this straight. You're telling me that in order to get out of this place I have to bare my soul to you guys?"

"And us to you. I can't think of anything else that might work."

"I have nothing to hide Daniel Jackson."

"Well I don't think I do either but maybe if we all shared our 'truths' we can go free."

"I'm not sure that this is a goo idea Daniel. How can we be sure it will work?" Sam said apprehensively.

"Why… got something to hide?" Daniel asked cheekily.

"No," she said slowly.

"Jack?"

"Well… everyone's got something to hide, me more than most. I mean I've got a lot of years here."

"I shall begin," Teal'C said, ending the debate. "I am happy. I have a strong purpose in life and I have found though I do not see my family that often, I have a new family. That is my great truth, I belong somewhere I should not belong. I no longer only fight the goa'uld to free my people, I do it also to protect my new family, and their world."

They were silent for a moment as they digested what Teal'C had said. Next Daniel spoke. "I am happy," he began following Teal'C's trend. "Even though I lost my wife I longer step through the Stargate to find her and hope that magically everything will be ok. I step through to fight against those who killed her and for my family. I have a purpose and the best family a man could have."

Again they were silent. "Well ladies first," Jack said a moment later.

"No no sir, age before beauty," she argued.

"Don't make me order you Carter," he said.

"Sir we have no bodies, I am pretty sure your orders hardly count in light of…"

"Ok, ok I will go first. Happy?" he paused for a moment. "Well guys I would have to say I am unhappy. Surprised? I've lost my son and my wife because of it. I have done a lot of unconscionable things during my years in the Air Force and I have seen too much to ever be called 'green' again. Sure I have the greatest job in the world and I work with the best people and team anyone could hope for. But it's not enough and the one thing I would like for just me, just to have to myself is the one thing I can't have. I can't have it because I have been trained to place the world above my personal life," he spoke quietly but with depth of feeling. An embarrassed silence came from Sam's side of the greyness.

Daniel coughed discreetly aware how much that must've cost Jack and said," Sam? You're up."

"I can't believe you guys are making me do this," she muttered.

"What? Don't you trust us Sam?" Daniel asked with a hurt tone to his voice.

Sam sighed. 'How can I explain it to them?' she thought.

"Try words," Jack said sarcastically.

"What? Oh telepathy. Hey! That must explain why I could understand what you guys were saying so clearly. It wasn't your words, we were getting it straight from your brains," she babbled excitedly.

"Quit stalling."

"Well it's hard, I mean saying things I refuse to admit to myself. I feel torn sometimes like I am 2 people. One, the soldier is happy, great job, great friends, great family. I have everything in that respect. But Sam the woman is unhappy. Sometimes its like she doesn't exist. And sometimes I don't know what's more important, having a life or the work that I do." She paused for a moment and then said, "Ok I'm done, where the hell is my body?"

Looking around they still saw nothing but blank greyness.

"Truth shall set you free huh Danny?"

"Well I only suggested it," Daniel said defensively.

"Someone remind me to him bodily harm when this is all over and I can actually DO him bodily harm," Jack asked. "And anyway, why the hell can't we just walk out the door we came through?" Jack asked exasperatedly.

"Shit," Carter swore.

"Oops, should've thought of that first," Daniel said.

"I cannot see the doorway we walked through," Teal'C said impassively.

"Shit," Carter swore again.

"Tut tut, Major, what would Dad think of such language?"

She was cut off from replying as Zare appeared again. "Well my friends, I see you have found the answer. Would you like to leave in your bodies now?"

"YES!" came the unanimous shout.

Zare smiled wryly and the doorway appeared behind him.

Daniel began to speak, "How long have you been here? How is that we haven't communicated with the other… uh ba? What did you mean 'look within yourselves'? We spoke the truths that some want to say. Was this place once inhabited by the goa'uld?"

"Daniel!"

"But Jack!"

"No don't anger the nice man who will give is our bodies back!"

Zare smiled indulgently at them and ignored Daniel's questions. "So who would like to go first?"

"Ooh me! Pick me!" Jack cried out, acting like a small child.

There was a collective sigh from the rest of SG1.

"Now let me see, there seemed to be some troubles with your knees. Shall I repair them for you?"

"Darn tootin'," Jack said with a smile in his voice. "I feel just like Dorothy, getting her make over at Oz." He paused. "Forget I said that."

"And the design on your left butt cheek? Shall I remove that?"

"It's called a tattoo and I'd like to keep that."

"You have a tattoo on your butt?" Daniel exclaimed.

"Yes I do."

Of what sir?"

Jack was silent.

"Of what Jack?" Daniel repeated Sam's question.

"Never mind that. Let's just get this done."

When they had all gotten their bodies back, and to their satisfaction they slowly made their way up to the Stargate, enjoying the comfort of having a body. Daniel started skipping on a head, grabbing Teal'C's hand and making him join in. Jack began muttering to himself but he softened it with it a smile. He turned to look at Sam who was smiling at Daniel's antics.

"So sir, what's the tattoo of?" she asked smiling up at him.

He groaned, he had no defence against that smile. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Promise," she said solemnly, placing a hand over her heart as her eyes twinkled up at him.

"Oh hell!" Jack looked around desperately for a change of subject. Finding none, he began, "It's earth's point of origin. I got it done when I got back from Edora. It was always remind me that someone would always save my sorry ass and bring me home again."

"Jack, that…"

"I know, I know, not like me at all."

"I was going to say really sweet. Which of course, isn't like you at all," she said smiling.

"Thanks Major."

They walked along in silence for a while trailing at a discreet distance from Daniel and Teal'C. "Where do we go from here?" Sam asked.

Jack smiled down at her and kissed her forehead gently. "I don't know Sam, I don't think we can know. We just have to take it one day at a time." He reached down and held her hand tightly in his. "But for today I think we just enjoy."

He began skipping towards the gate, mimicking Daniel, and dragging Sam along with him. She started laughing uncontrollably and laughed even harder as they passed Daniel and Teal'C with Jack calling over his shoulder, "Race you to the gate kids!"

The End


End file.
